from there to here...

One year. We made it!

You are growing so fast, and there is nothing I can do to stop it (no really, I've looked into it ;-)). You will always be my baby.

i love you to the moon and back.

my curly head

To the curls that lay upon my babe's head,

I love to run my fingers through your little loops. I hope that you will forever stay on his head. I get requests to trim this little boy's hair at times, but I don't have the heart to, and I do not think that I will for a very long time. My fingers would miss you at bedtime ;-)

Love always,
Mama

Letters to Josephine

"I asked God for you. When your Daddy and I decided we wanted to have another baby, I spent many hours imagining you. I asked God for someone who wanted to join our lives; A child with a sense of adventure, a big personality, and an even bigger heart, someone who knew who she was and what she wanted out of life, a love of learning and change, someone who would live life joyfully. This seemed a lot to ask for, but I also really wanted a GIRL with RED hair and freckles. So I asked for that too."

Every year on Jojo's birthday, I fill a page with words for her; a small picture of who she is, descriptions of what we've experienced together, my hopes and dreams for her, and my worries. Sometimes the words come quickly, and I fill the paper with fixed images of my quickly changing daughter. Other years I need to sit a while, catch my breath and try to recall the sound of her emerging voice.

The letters are a promise and commitment- to both of us. While I write them I often imagine Josephine as a young woman, a box of letters on her lap, a soft light falling on her. The scene is unhurried as she reads each letter slowly. She reads them, looking for images that connect her back to her earlier self.
Writing to her gives me a chance to connect with what it means to be a mother. Too often, our days of parenting slip by without acknowledgement and we trust our memories to cameras, scrapbooks, and recorders. When I write my memories on paper, I capture more than just an image; I capture the shape and texture of my love for a little girl with red hair and freckles that emerge in the summertime.

xoxo Mama

Miss Jojo,
You are the most amazing little girl. I love that you know who you are, and I hope that you carry that with you for the rest of your life. You are my baby girl and you will always be so, so special to me. Even though you are now four and you tell me that you are no longer a baby, you will always be that to me. Trust me, I know that you are growing into quite the little girl and I have been seeing that coming for a long time. It pulls at my heart as I am sure this is the feeling every mother gets every time they realize their "babies" do not need their help as much anymore. You still need me, I know this. I also know you are growing more independent every day. You have really grown from the fiery two year old that I used to know into now not just a little sister but also a big sister. You love your brothers so much and I really could not ask for more.
Some of my last memories of you before your baby brother was born are of you and I playing in the bathtub together making "birthday cakes" out of the bubbles. My innocent baby girl. And in less than 24 hours later, you were a big sister. I really just wish that I could bottle up those moments that I spent with you as my "baby" and carry them with me forever. But the truth is, those memories will fade as time goes by which is why I am writing this to you now. Because I just want you to know.
I just want you to know how excited you were to be a big sister from the first moment you knew. I just want you to know that the same day I found out that I was pregnant, I photographed you stuffing your shirt with a "baby", and you didn't even know it yet. I just want you to know how happy it makes me that you and your big brother are so close and care for each other. I just want you to know that while I was pregnant you found an old receiving blanket and decided that it would be used for baby Max. I just want you to know that even in the hardest moments when I almost lost your baby brother, how much I loved my time with you while Daddy was at work and Tyler was at school. I just want you to know that I snuck a kiss from you while you were sleeping right before I slipped out the door on the path to the hospital the night I went to have your baby brother. I just want you to know how proud I am of you and of how good of a big sister you have been. And most of all, I just want you to know how loved you are, just for being you.
xoxo,
Mama

Happy Friday

my koala bear


early days

Hello, World!

Baby Maximus,

You are sleeping right next to me here in our hospital room. You are so very sweet, beautiful, cuddly, squishy, and yummy. I am head over heels for you, and I am soaking in every moment of your babyness while we are still here. I hold you for hours and just stare at you, sing to you, let you grasp my finger, and nuzzle your warm baby neck. When we get home, our lives will get a tad bit busier as our lives are waiting for us, but for now I am soaking in every single moment with you. I am so much calmer this time around, I know that this is all just a moment in time.

One of my favorite memories of you in the hospital was when a nurse was doing your vitals. You were screaming, but as soon as she was done she said, "watch this..." She then placed you against me, with your face nuzzling in my neck. Immediately, you became calm. She told me that you knew your mommy's smell :-)

I will never forget how happy your brother and sister were the day that you were born. Jojo is, by nature, a tiny mama, and she immediately took you into her warm embrace. Tyler also held you in the delivery room, though he seemed a lot more cautious. They were both full of kisses and nuzzles for you. I am so excited to watch the three of you grow up together. God has truly blessed us.

I still cannot believe that you are here and that I am the mother of three children. There is nothing hard about loving you and I cannot imagine my life without you.

I used to wonder how I would ever manage? Now I don't know how I could live without...





Here are your vitals:

Maximus Carl
Born May 13,2010 at 11:32 a.m. after 5 hours of labor
Weighed 6 lb 7 oz.
Length 19 in.

You have big dark blue eyes, brown fuzzy hair, a button nose, the cutest lips, the most beautiful skin, and long thin fingers that wrap perfectly around mine :-)


And just like that I fell in love all over again....

REAL

..."What is REAL?"asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" "Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become REAL." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are REAL you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are REAL you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." .................

- The Velveteen Rabbit

I thought I'd start today with this gorgeous book excerpt. It seemed proper since my six year old is now trying to figure out if the Easter Bunny is "real". One of my "babies" is truly not a baby anymore :-( Hopefully, I still have at least a couple more years with Jojo. And then of course there will be the baby that is already well on the way.....

I have to give my husband credit for all the Bunny pictures that he took :-) I could have posted some of the more hallmark ones, but I love these ones more....